As the title says, "I am okay, but, not okay".
I tried with all my might, but nature won the game on me. You can't beat the heat, you really can't. I tried in a sense and I didn't make it. I survived, but I didn't beat it to the point of being able to complete the journey I set out to do. This isn't a woe is me thing, it is a lesson in life and challenges and how to find the way through and learn from them. Not every challenge results in a victory, which I don't see my result as a failure, just not what I had planned and I am learning to be okay with that. Which will take some time. I am okay, but, not okay....
How did this all go not according to plan....or did it?
I was so determined to make this 50 mile event a success, a win in my personal playbook. I trained so hard for this. I climbed. I crawled. I rested. I climbed. I ran. I recovered. I tapered. I analyzed. I prepared. I researched. I googled. I planned. I said time and time again, it is all in the preparation and executing the plan. Well I am here to tell you, no matter how prepared you are and all the planning and preparation and training, you will get thrown a curve ball and you have no choice but to handle it. You may think that when you hit that curve ball you will hit it dead on and run a home run, but, you may hit it and get a foul, or hit it and get to second or third base and get knocked out. I made it to second base, maybe close to third, but it wasn't a home run!! Okay, maybe too much baseball analogy, I am watching the Cubs vs. Rockies. Cubs are up 3-2 top of the 9th. An update...they won!!
Back to where I was at. I prepared for pretty much any natural disaster and creature attack possible and thought I could load it all in my pack to carry on my back for 50 miles. It seems logical until you load it all up and realize, oh my Lord, this is a lot of stuff, how do I trim this down. What is not critical and what is? There are two legitimate fears I have, wildlife killing me (bears, mountain lion, snake) and running out of water.
I decided (poor decision) to carry 5 Liters of water. 5 Liters for 25 miles on my back. That is 11 pounds in just water. Mind you, I had the filtration system to filter water and Iodine tablets to use and two water areas to filter water, but, I didn't trust it because I hadn't practiced in training, so I decided to not pack those and chose to carry 11 pounds in just water. I froze one bladder. I froze half of another bladder.
I have been watching the weather like a hawk. It started out in the 80's and cloudy, I can deal with that. Then it climbed to the low 90's and cloudy, not ideal, I can deal with that. Then it was 95 with no clouds. Shit, that sucks bad. How do I deal with that? Oh and the weather forecast said that there is a chance of snow up on the mountain tomorrow....really!!! This is a screen shot for the weekend following, I should be thankful for what we had.
Another fear I have is getting lost. I get lost very easily on the road and for the most part on the trail I can figure out where I need to go, but my internal compass doesn't always work and I have never been on these trails. In the weeks leading up to this Kevin who is a navigational genius found a mapping system called Green Trails Map and was able to load the Catalina Mountains Map so at any point on GPS/Airline mode only without a signal I could find where I was at and wouldn't get lost. Perfect, that part was sorted and I knew where I needed to go. We tested it out on some training runs and it proved perfect. He made up a cue sheet for me to so I knew where I needed to turn, what trail to stay on, what kind of elevation gain or decline was coming. Kevin wasn't able to come with me because he had to work. He would have if he could. I was going to miss him so much out there.
Another concern is having too much water and not enough electrolytes. I had a serious incident in January where my balance was out of whack and the medic used this stuff called Oral IV which brought me back to life. I ordered some and decided I should get that on board too, just in case. I also had 3 bottles of power aide electrolytes and propel packets. 11 pounds + 3 pounds roughly + 1 bottle of Sunkist (quick sugar boost) is another pound. Up to 15 pounds in liquid.
I of course needed to have fuel on board and in a supported race you have aide stations to graze from, for this, my pack is the aide station. I had Quest bars, avocados, pickles, gummy bears, hot tomales. Roughly 5 pounds. We are up to 20 pounds with the liquid.
In the sense of what if this happens or this happens, I had a first aide kit with marker, benedryl, band aids, neosporine, cortizone, duct tape, biofreeze packets, gauze, blister cream, snake bite kit, ginger chews, Imodium, Motrin, Excedrin, advil cold and sinus, pyridium for urinary issues. That weighed about a 1 pound. Up to 21 pounds.
I decided in the event of signs of heat stroke I should include those first aid packs that you break and they get cold like an ice pack, I had 3, those devils weighed 2 pounds. Up to 23 pounds.
I also had a can of bear spray, I was scared shitless of running into a bear and I had an umbrella because after coming off of the trails and getting on a dirt road then a paved road it would be full sun and heat of the day. I thought I could block the sun from up above and that would help. Those were about 2 pounds. Up to 25 pounds. Oh and a bear bell, just in case.
Next came technology, the Go Pro, battery charger packs (2), cords for phone and watch, car keys for the drop off car, headlamp, back up headlamp and flashlight for coming back in the dark. Those weighed in about 2 pounds, up to 27 pounds.
Here is a funny video from getting things set up. Disc?
I always have salt tabs, jolly ranchers, toilet paper, gum, about a pound there. Up to 28 pounds, plus the phone, fireball, ziplocks. Maybe another pound plus the weight of the pack itself lets just say around total weight on my back, 30 pounds. What the hell was I thinking?????
I was worried about something and everything going wrong. I am that person who stands on the edge of a cliff and sees myself plummeting to my death. I am a positive person and will face fears, but, in the process I will see the worst case scenario play out in my head.
In the days leading up Chris and I were texting back and forth what we were packing, eating etc. It helped to talk to one other to get the nerves out and not worry our spouses as much.
I also have a husband who cares for me more then anything in the world and he was so so so worried about me doing this. We have been together for over 10 years and we hardly disagree on anything and he strongly disagreed I do this. We agreed to disagree. There was nothing he could say to stop me and there was nothing I could say to reassure him. So, I thought if I had everything to assure my safety and security it would help. It would help me and help him. Oh and I had a knife, a multi tool deal...and lube and sunscreen and chapstick....
So, I had everything I needed to get through the end of the world. Here is the problem with that, You Can't Run with 30 pounds on your BACK!! I tried. It bounced and shifted around so much that I couldn't do it. I had my hiking poles too because it was going to involve a lot of climbing. But those wouldn't end up on my back, they would be out in front in my hands.
The pack I had on was my first running pack and I switched it out because it was too big and and it always shifted on my right side with the strap getting loose, news flash, pack problems don't magically go away.
My plan was to leave a car parked at the In and Out Burger with a cooler with electrolytes (3 bottles) a sunkist, avocados, shoes, socks, long sleeve shirt, change of bottoms and skirt and change of short sleeve shirt. I thought with a change of everything it would be about breaking the event into 2 parts. The first would be the IN and the other the OUT.
I had to get the change of shoes though. On the Thursday afternoon prior I bought a bear bell, cooling towel, size 10.5 women's size Altral Lone Peak shoes. Okay, I am set. Oh, update here, the shoes didn't fit, I needed MENS 10.5....good thing I didn't make it.
Thursday during the day Kevin kept sending and sharing his concerns about how I was making a mistake and how worried he was. It was upsetting me because he is always so supportive and he was standing strong on this.
He kissed me goodbye Friday morning before he left for work and said, "Have a good camping trip with Cecilia", no mention of the race. He said he wouldn't talk about it anymore to me. I was so sad when he left. The next time I would see him would be Saturday night as he came down the trail to meet me, that was the plan. We had made a deal that if I made it through Tumamoc Marathon that he would support me, but as the weather worsened, he got more worried for my safety. My confidence that was shaky already was shattered, could I do this? Will I be okay???
This would be my first maiden journey alone with the Patriot (our camper) with hooking up to it and disconnecting and setting up camp. It would be Cecilia's first trip also, so it would be a big day. First I had to drop off a car at the In and Out burger and get an Uber home. I got that sorted out. When I got home I saw a note on the Rumble (our truck) from Kevin. Wishing me luck and he loved me. I put this in a zip lock and sought strength a lot throughout the day from it.
I was able to hook up to the Patriot okay and got everything organized for us to go. We needed to stop at MOD pizza to get pizzas to have for after the race Saturday night. Well....I got the truck and camper stuck in a real pickle in the parking lot and a stranger had to help us get unstuck, the truck and camper are longer then you think!!! (together they are about 50 feet) We got the pizzas and some things from Frys and we were on our journey up Mt Lemmon to Gordon Hirabayashi Recreation Area where we planned to camp. It was a good site to camp for the length of the camper and ease of getting it parked. The official start was at Molino Basin which is 3 miles from Gordon H. I would plan to go to Molino in the morning and back by Gordon and finish in Gordon.
Cecilia and I arrived to Gordon and got the site I was wanting, #5 which was perfect to pull through. We got camp set up with no issues and we settled in with playing games into the night and I set everything up in my pack for a go time of 4:45 AM. The signal was sketchy but I was able to send messages to Kevin of my plan.
We had to empty the shitter first.....gross
Cecilia and I had a good time that night and I made some quesadillas with bacon, cheese and garlic salt for a drop bag with some coke and coke zero for Kevin and I about 3 miles out right before a big climb. I was going to drop it 6 miles from the Gordon H trail head but I thought it would be best before the climb, which was a good idea.
Morning came and the alarm went off and I snoozed it a couple times. I had a really rough night of sleep. This may be a little TMI for the fellas, but my lady business had decided to visit and it was out of control. Not the kind of situation you want to have going into this sort of thing. It was indecisive and being unpredictable. All week it had been like that Katy Perry song, hot and cold. I had no idea what to expect. What I got was the worst case scenario. Add more weight to the pack. Which I had no room for. Also added more discomfort and weakness. Studies have actually been done on performance and it is decreased. Great. Like I need more challenge. Sigh, pack the things and roll with it.
I went to make some coffee and our LP gas was out, so I had to search for our portable burner set up. Made some coffee and grabbed a quest bar to eat at Molino Basin. I knew the other guys would be starting at Molino and I hoped to run into them on the way there. Immediately after I entered the trail I heard a thing scurrying in the brush. I almost peed my pants. Oh dear. It is going to be a long day.
I had a little climb out of there and then a nice downhill came and I tried to run. Holy shit how heavy is this thing? It was not going to be a run thing. I thought well I can power hike and shuffle and I can do this. "I will be okay". I thought it will get lighter the more tired I get so it will be okay.
I saw some headlamps in the distance and thought it would be some of the people doing the event and I was right, it was Ben and Brian. Ben told me the directions to get to his car to get the 50 mile buckle specially made for this event. I was so excited to get it. I could hear Kevin in my head saying, well you have the buckle you don't have to do it.
This is Ben and Brian
After I ran into them, down the line I ran into Chris, Noah, Tony and Ceasar. Noah, Tony and Ceasar were joining Chris for awhile then breaking off. I thought that was cool they were there for him, then thought how lonely it might be when they leave. I was worried for Chris with going too fast with going with them, but, I knew Noah would keep Chris reeled in knowing what it is like to do 50 miles. It was great to see them. I was jealous of him having friends who could run with him. Most of mine don't run and think I am crazy so I didn't ask anyone to help me.
I came into Molino and went to the bathroom and decided to eat my Quest bar, it was blueberry cobbler, which is yummy. Food count-1 quest bar.
I left Molino and realized I forgot my unfrozen bottle of electrolytes so I would need to get that from camp and to drop off the 50 miler belt buckle. I came into camp and talked to Cecilia for a minute and headed back out. I was sleepy but excited for the day. I saw the pretty sunrise and how the sun was casting shadows on the mountains.
The trail out of Gordon was easy going and mostly flat then a climb out of it. I wished I could run more but the pack was too heavy. I made a climb up a hill and came to a saddle where the signal was strong on the phone. It was 7.17 miles and I felt great, miles just ticking by.
I had a nice downhill ahead to Sycamore Reservoir and it was pretty. I ran into a guy who had seen my little drop bag that I placed by the trail head at Gordon H so I could grab it when I went by, no need to carry it to Molino and back. He read it was for a 50 mile race and I explained the route etc. He was blown away by anyone doing it. It gave me a great boost of motivation.
That evil monster the SUN!!!!
It is hard to see in the picture, but the little refuel pack is hanging in the tree.
I ran into Noah who was running with Chris and I chatted with him for awhile. I had the GoPro on for our talk, which is a good talk. It was great to see him. He has come so far as an ultra runner.
Here is the first video out on the trail and a chat with Noah. First video
It was along this way that a game changer happened. I was cruising along and I had a cramp in my Left calf muscle which made every muscle cramp up into a sold rock. It took forever to get it to calm down. I massaged, pressed pressure points, stretched and after around 5 minutes it released. It felt awful I downed some salt tabs and electrolytes thinking maybe it was an imbalance or lack of fluid. It hurt me the rest of the way. Never let up. With how it hurt, I lost push off power for climbing and control for going downhill. Shit.
Have to keep going of course. Along the way I did a couple GoPro videos which help a lot with the simple loneliness for being out there alone. It also happens to get some moments of oops did that just happen. This is in this video:
Video of the how did that happen? Phone
I tried to keep positive all day. I had gotten passed by 4 guys who were flying along. They were doing an out and back, which now I know as an ONB. I was impressed with their agility and grace. I am sure I would be faster without this 30 pound gorilla on my back.
I ran into one of the guys later as he was coming back from the turn around point for him because he had to go to work. I ran into the other 3 guys and Corey Keppel and the guys he was with stopped to chat with me. I shared that I wasn't pushing myself and I was hurting on my calf and the heat was getting there. They suggested I soak in Hutches Pools, plenty of shade and it would be great. Great idea!
Rambling thoughts on the trail. Ramble thoughts and drop offs
I had been struggling with how to break down areas to keep focus and decided that focus on the next trail junction etc will be far more manageable then how many miles it is to In and Out. So my focus from there was Hutches Pools.
I did get to some sort of pools, but I knew that from the map it should be on off shoot trail to Hutches Pools. I messed around at this area and was disappointed by how there was not the best shade and the pool was so shallow. I dinked around there far too long trying to find the shade and glorious pools. It was getting really hot out and I was looking forward to the cool down. I started to climb out of there and clearly I was leaving the area where a pools area would be so I turned back and looked again to see if I missed something. I thought I am wasting so much time, I should just accept that maybe I was disillusioned and to keep going, but first I should eat something. I sat down in the shade and had some pickles. They tasted like twigs and did nothing for me, but, I ate them, I looked at an avocado and gagged. Food count= 1 quest bar, half avocado from earlier, pack of pickles.
On the lists of regrets, not searching further for Hutches Pool, I have come to learn it is not sign posted, it is something you know. Well, I need to know this!!!
From here on it became a battle of wits. Me vs. Nature.
It was around 11 miles at this point and I had a long ways to go and had a hard time fathoming how far I had to go still. I tried to focus on the next junction but couldn't do the math to figure out how far away that was. At this point I thought I should put in my headphones and find a way to disconnect from my feelings and flow with my steps. I was listening to a podcast, I have started listening to them in the training for this and they help to distract me quite a bit. The subject was on what to do after the end of a big race and how to deal with the blues that follow. Hmm, who knew that this would play a role now? I am full of the blues and trying to find the way out. I got some good tips from it that I will have to put in motion now.
Another subject was on gear and what people like to use etc and what the guy on the podcasts likes for certain distances. I am sure he didn't say to use a pack that annoys the crap out of you, load with 30 pounds of crap and do an unsupported 50 miler. Pretty sure that was not on the list.
The other subject was doing road work as part of your trail running training, which I got some great training ideas from and thought that would have been good for this....well too late for that now, I just need to add the tips to my tool box for next time.
Then, the podcasts weren't willing to play anymore so I decided to listen to music which was like background noise. I couldn't tell you a single song I heard while in this zone. Not a single one.
Some perspective from where I was at and where I had to go.
I was at 12 miles, I had 13 more miles to go to be half way done with 50 miles. I was at 3,920 feet of elevation and I had a climb to 6,080 feet ahead of me. That is 2,160 feet of climbing if you were trying to figure that out. I had that climb to do over the next 6.2 miles, a 10K. It was currently 95 degrees. This is a pic of the elevation chart. That massive hill is what I am talking about.
Okay, I can do that....but, it was getting really rough. I would climb to a shady spot and rest and continue and rest in the shade and continue and rest in the shade. I would drink water. I had a plan to have an electrolyte bottle every 8 miles, I was on my second bottle and it was almost gone. I could feel my water was getting low in my first water bladder. I would use it to put on my cooling towel which would help. Sometimes I couldn't get the water to come out and have it spray on my cooling towel so I would fill my mouth with water and spit it on the towel to cool me down. It was not glamorous, but it worked. To give an idea on how my pace plummeted:
Miles 1-9 I averaged 20-22 min miles, since I couldn't run
Mile 10-35:55 was when my calf cramped up like a rock
Mile 11-13 averaged 24 min miles
Mile 14 was 44 min--it was when I really started to struggle
Mile 15-- 31 min
Mile 16 -- 32 min
Mile 17 -- 46 min
Mile 18 -- 36 min
Mile 19 -- 39 min
Mile 20 -- 37 min
Mile 21 -- 39 min
Mile 22 -- 41 min
Mile 23 -- 33 min
Mile 24 -- 46 min
Mile 25 -- 39 min
Mile 26 -- 32 min
Mile 27 -- 16 min (.81 of a mile)
I made a list of things to not forget to talk about that happened along the way, I can't exactly say when they happened, but along the way they happened.
Little rocks to sit on that would disappear--I would find a piece of shade and look for a rock to sit on and I would go to sit on it and it wouldn't be there or I fell off of it. Countless times it happened. Looking back it is pretty funny.
I heard noises all day. It would be my hat flapping and I would think it was someone behind me and it was nothing. I heard bees all day and thought they were people talking to me and it wasn't.
I yelled at the bugs more then once. These little annoying gnats that would fly in my face like a third world country fly that likes to land on your eyeball. Assholes.
I had this little pocket on my pack where I would put a quest bar with the best of intentions to eat it. It would poke me in the face, like hey, hey, you, you need to eat. Eat this thing and it will stop poking you in the face. I yelled at it too. Which by the way I finished with one just hanging out in there, it was in there for hours, I never ate it.
There were parts of the trail that were so steep that I had no choice but to scoot on my butt, I didn't trust my legs to control the momentum coming down.
The trails were so narrow in some sections, I really thought I would die. I thought I could beat the heat, but one slip and I am gone and nobody would know.
I ran into several hikers. I came up to this group of hikers and they looked all shiny and happy. It made me mad how happy they looked. It was on the big climb and I was at the summit at that point and I asked if they had seen 3 other guys who looked as disheveled as me along the way and they said they had, so I asked if they looked okay? They said they looked rough but okay. Good, I am not the only one getting my ass kicked out here.
I ran into a couple others near Hutches Pools (the imaginary place) and they were complaining about why there was not any wind in their face. They were going downhill, really. wait until you climb out of this place. I kind of wanted to smack them.
I ran into their buddy at a sign and he was in the camp they set up. It was a trail junction and I didn't even see him until he said hello. I asked him if there was a cell phone signal here and he said, no. He said, it will be at least 3 miles past the Summit!!! Past the summit, are you kidding me? My whole push was to the summit so I could let Kevin know that things are way deep south but I am making it through. I was so worried that Kevin would be sending out a search party by now. All the push I had was deflated when that guy told me. He said he couldn't go with his buddies to Hutches pools because his calf muscle was giving him issues. Sorry dude. I have a billion miles left with a jacked up calf and a long climb to go....
Talking to myself. I did that a lot. I would say to myself hey look at that funny thing or look at that flower. I talked to the GoPro video too, which helped to pass time and distract me.
I cried a lot. Like a lot. A waste of hydration and salt. I was in such a dark place. I was worried about how worried Kevin was. I wasn't going to make it. I wasn't going to finish this. I was going to have to quit. I was so wrapped in this dark place, all I could do was cry.
Moving time was 10 hours 11 min, my total time was 14 hours 14 min, I spent 4 hours sitting to recover in the shade. I spent some time making this video. This video captures exactly how raw my emotions were at this time. I was so far behind where I had expected to be with my worst case scenario. I was beyond my worst case scenario. Far beyond.
Feeling as low as I have ever been in a run. Dark times
By the way, I did finally eat a quest bar after the video. Food count, 2 quest bars, half of avocado, and a pack of pickles.
I laughed a lot too. I laughed at how absurdly hot it was. Like it was some kind of sick joke. I was laughing at how slow I was going. I laughed at things I thought I saw. I laughed at the mirages and hallucinations of rocks that looked like animals and at sounds that sounded like a bear.
I cried again when I realized I lost the Bear Bell. I laughed at the thought of a Bear eating the damn thing and it jingling in his belly.
I cried and rejoiced when I would stand at a point and this huge gust of wind would come and cool me down. I believe with all my heart they were prayers answered with people asking for protection over me. I stood in those moments and let the wind dry my tears.
Ben's Black Butterfly. He was with me all day, fluttering by and I would see something pretty or I would get a nice breeze or another idea on how to cool down. Gave me strength and I looked for him when I was low and he was there. Ben is Kevin's son who died when he was 3 1/2 from brain cancer. We have had a sign of the black butterfly when he is with us and gives us strength.
I used my first aid packs that you break and shake and they get cold. I put them under my armpits but they wouldn't stay. I didn't want to put one in my crotch (gross word) because of my lady business. It grossed me out too much. I put them down my shirt in my bra and it helped. I put one in my cooling towel around my neck too. I left them there for hours too tired to put them in my pack. Hindsight, I could have cut them with my knife and drained them then they would have been lighter in my pack.
I got so excited when I had a strawberry jolly rancher, I don't know when I had a strawberry jolly rancher and it made me happy, oh so happy.
I saw 3 snakes. One saw me and made me pee my pants a little when it slithered away. Another was so mad at me as it rattled away. Another I saw with Kevin.
I smelled a hundred skunks but never saw one. I saw (I think) an animal across the valley where I was sitting, I think it was a deer, a pig, a cow, elephant, I have no idea. Heck, it may have been a bear!!
I had made it up to the Summit, the highest point on that huge climb. I didn't have the signal as expected and kept pressing forward. I was treated to some downhill which was great and it was a little slippery with leaves, it was so pretty. More importantly, it was in the shade. I would check my phone at least every 15 min for a signal. Then I finally had one. I was so happy. It had been at least 11-12 hours, I was around mile 20-21 maybe. I was so happy I could let Kevin know I was okay. I had a message from Chris telling me he was at In and Out and he wasn't coming back out. I let him know I wasn't going to come back out either and I was feeling pretty bad. He said is there anything he can give me at Catalina when I got there since he was at In and Out, I said a cold coke. I had messaged that I was getting close to Romero pools, which I wasn't close at all. I was so confused. I thought I was like a mile or so away from the pools and I was closer to 4 miles away. I coordinated for Kevin and Chris to meet up and that Kevin and I would give Chris a ride up the mountain. I sent the messages and then put the phone back into airplane mode. I had this new resolve to finish and push through. I was hurting so bad, but I knew that they were waiting and I needed to get there. I was at this point almost out of water. I would take a sip and swish it around in my mouth to help with how dry my mouth was. It would help, but it was warm, like pee warm. I had drank all my electrolytes and drank one of the emergency electrolytes, the Oral IV. I drank all the Sunkist too.
I made my way to Romero pools that I thought was a mile or so away. Sigh. I was trudging along and I ran into Ben and Brian the other two guys who were doing the 50, who started this whole thing. They thought they would see me sooner and I told them, me too!! I asked how they were doing and they hit the climb to Romero Pools in the heat of the day and I told them what I hit and my troubles. I told them I was almost out of water too. I told them about how I was worried about diarrhea and filtering water. They reassured me not to worry and gave me two iodine tablets and I put them in my solomon bottles and they told me about how to do it at Romero Pools and that I could wade in the water up to my chest, that I couldn't miss it. Brian said, you will feel reborn!! Awesome, I needed that because this body is broken and needs reborn. They went on their way and I went on mine. I was worried for them but the clouds had started to move in and it was getting cooler.
I have no real memory of making another video and when I did this other then it was after I made contact with Kevin and Chris.
Just walking along rambling I will survive
I finally came up to Romero Pools, I dumped my pack, grabbed my bottles and phone and walked and stumbled into the water. Oh my Lord, it was AMAZING!! This is the pics and video.
Here is the video of filling up the bottles that saved me. Heaven
I came out of the water and I did feel reborn. Dang it why didn't I try harder to find Hutches Pools??
I checked the messages and let Kevin and Chris know I was at Romero pools and they both had sent messages they were coming up the trail to meet me and then I saw a helicopter up above. Oh crap, did they call in life support??? Then it flew by!!
I told them I was doing a lot better with submerging in the water and I had some iodine tablets and water. I put in some propel packets and went to drinking them slowly. I still had at least 2 miles or more. I took some advil cold and sinus, ate a handful of gummy bears and hot tomales, then I put on my pack and put in my music and made my way. I don't have a memory per say of the way out of there, I was focused on one step in front of the other and not falling. Not now.
I was so happy to see civilization.
I decided to do my music game of singing the song out loud no matter what and no fast forward. I do remember some of the songs. They could be memory of songs earlier too.
Coming to America--Neil Diamond
Love will Bring me Home--Drew Holcomb
Love can Build a Bridge--Judds
Babe--Styx
I run to you--Lady Antebelum
Love runs out--One Republic
Be Tender with My Love--Bee Gees
Rocky theme song
American Anthem
Love me Tender-Elvis
Shoot to Thrill--AC DC
I came around the corner and there was Kevin, my knight in shining armor. I was so happy to see him. I was exhausted and so happy to see him. I gave him a hug and a kiss and he ran down what he had in his pack, cold water, power aide and Sunkist. I drank half the Sunkist. I also had some of his water which tasted like jalapeno beef jerky. Yep. I drank the cold, cold water and I said, do you know this tastes like your jerky? He said yes, he put the tube in the pack with the bag of jerky and it must have permeated the tubing. I laughed, I didn't care, it tasted so good.
Then he went to spit out off to the side and it was into the wind and it came right back and landed on me. It was pretty funny. It was so good to have him with me even if he spit on me!!
BTW--Food count-2 quest bars, half avocodo, pack of pickles, gummy bears, tomales, bottle and half of sunkist.
We made our way down the rest of the pass and out onto Montrose pools road which seemed to have grown longer then I remember. It is like a road, it is a trail but it is wide like a road. Chris was waiting at the car having a beer. Chris and his friend Tony had come up the trail on Montrose Pools road and when it changed to get technical they sat on the bench. After going through what he did he was done and I would have done the same thing!!
The sun was beginning to set by now and it was a pretty end to a really rough day!!
We came out into the parking lot and gave Chris a hug congratulations. We were talking about how awful it was and sharing stories. I said I wanted to go to In and Out burger still, I was hungry and have been thinking about a milkshake for several hours. Chris said, well there is a coke that was cold a longtime ago. I drank the warm soda anyways.
We stood in line and it was hard to figure out what I wanted. I mean all they have are burgers!! Ha ha. Kevin went out to get the cup so I could have a cold coke!! I got a double-double with the bun and grilled onions and a chocolate milkshake and it was Heavenly.
We headed out to the car and "home" to the mountain. We waited for a little while for Brian and Ben at Molino. Kevin and I drove along the Catalina Highway to look for headlamps on the trail. Kevin ended up going back to camp and I got some warm clothes on and waited with Chris for them. We waited until about 10:30 pm. I was worried about them. With cell service so bad we didn't hear they checked in with Cory until the next day. At least they were okay. I am not sure if they went the whole distance or not either.
So as I said in the beginning of this, this isn't a woe is me. This was freaking awful. I have never gone so slow in my life. It was about survival. I hit the lowest times I have ever had in a race or training. I was in a position of fight and not flight. I had to keep going, there was no other choice. Just keep moving forward and watch for signs of dehydration, over hydration, electrolyte balance, mental fortitude. Focus. I watch all these survival shows and I thought of them while I was out there and the situations they do and how they show how to survive. I knew I would be okay even if I needed to stop for awhile and recover in the shade. I have the experience to know what to do, I also have the endurance level to push forward and not quit. I sat down a million times to recover in the shade because it was the smart thing to do, many times I would go past a shade spot and regret that I did. I would make negotiations with shade spots, at the next shade spot I will take a drink of water. In 3 shade spots I will check the phone for a signal.
When I was making the climb to the summit I would check the map and it shows your current elevation and I knew I had to get to 6080 so I would look at it and see how far I had to go, how far I have gone. I would do what I thought was a good push and look and I gained like 20 feet or 50 feet. I would get so mad. I had to make a deal to not look at it for a set number of shade spots and I would count out the shade spots, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 okay now you can look. It is a mental game out there when things get bad. I am so grateful that I have the mind to do that and proud I found a way through.
I have learned more lessons from this than expected. I learned a lot about my own fears and limitations and how to face them. I learned to trust and be a little more free. I carried way too much stuff. My first half marathon, I carried too much stuff. I guess stuff gives me comfort, I needed to learn to get out of that comfort zone. The filtering of water was very intimidating to me and I let it get in the way, which in reality is so simple. I was so foolish to carry so much. I should have taken an opportunity to find Hutches pools. I learned more of who I am as an endurance athlete and all the experience I do have is what saved me. The endurance level I have achieved through the training is what got me through. 14 hours is a long time to be trying to make forward progress with many obstacles in the way. I will never be the fastest person on a course but I will always be the one who will survive and live fully to tell the story. I had things happen with my body out there that will always make me laugh. I trusted a fart and it made me pee my pants. I laughed for 10 minutes at myself. I got so scared when a tree branch hit me in the head and took my hat. Why was that so scary?? It made me laugh again. There are these really cool trees, they are called manzanita, they are so pretty and grabby. They grabbed my headphone cords all the time and my phone charger cords too. I would be walking along and it would steal them. It was comical. Bottom line is, that line if you aren't laughing or crying, it is your choice what to do. I cried out there a lot and I learned to laugh too.
I did some looking on the Strava which breaks down sections of the run and consistently I was the 3rd female of 3 who did this and some of the stretches I did. For some of the stretches I was the only one. I was also the only one over 45. The only one in the plus 200 pound category, which I need to change my weight as I am under 200 pounds. But, I am proud of that. I am proud of what I accomplished. I can't wait to share this trail with others who haven't been able to experience it. For those who haven't been in the water. It is amazing.
I will accomplish this. It will be when it is cooler. I will change a lot of my tactics and I will do a training run that will be an out and back to Hutches Pools. I will also do a training run that will be from Molino to In and Out and another from In and Out to Molino. The challenge and run is always there, that is where I took the resolve in being okay with not finishing what I set out to do. While writing this I had ups and downs. I was feeling down most of the day today (Tuesday). So disappointed. But, I know that can't be the end all. I am going to make a plan to get through this summer to get stronger. Find some races up north. Heat training. Strength training. Night runs. Climbing. I will come back from this stronger both physically and mentally. It is all about the execution of the plan....and being flexible when it all goes to shit.
The next day the discussion was to get the small cooler I dropped for Kevin and I to have on the way back. It seemed like 5 miles out, so it would be 10 miles. I couldn't do that. It was only about 2 miles, still couldn't do that....
We decided to stay Sunday night at the campsite and Kevin went to get the boys so we could all be there as a family. I am so grateful for our life and ability to get out and do this stuff. The weekend was wonderful, some things not as expected and many other things beyond expectation. It is always about perspective. Dwell in the negative space and you will only see darkness.
Food count--I had a lot of beers, bacon, burger, coffee, milkshake, pizza, wings, salad, bacon, cheese, coffee, bacon, eggs and a couple pancakes. =)
So, I am okay. I am not okay with stopping here, I have more mountains to climb and more lessons to learn. Thank you for reading and your support.
One last video, trying to figure out the gopro for editing oops
I ran across the Grand Canyon and back with some water, m&ms and hard candy- 40 miles in 12+ hours. I can't imagine carrying all that stuff you had.
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