Insanity and courage

The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting the same result....

Well, I may be insane, but I keep doing this running thing and getting different results....all positive ones.

When does one decide to do a 50 mile race?  I have wanted to do one for a long time, but haven't had the courage to do it.  I know Kevin doesn't have desire to go that far and I know that it is something I will do on my own one day.

How do you get the courage?  Where do you find it?  How do you believe in yourself and trust your own level of courage and drive?  Through experience.  Through trial and error.  Success and failure.  Growth and setbacks.

In January 2018, at the Oracle Rumble I failed.  I failed my nutrition and electrolytes and gave my husband the fear of his life and thinking his wife was going to die.  We had another DNF at a race we have tried to finish twice.  I found the courage to get through that and walk out on my own to the vehicle with getting medical attention.  I found the courage through failure to continue running.

On March 3rd, 2018, I did a race called The Old Pueblo 50, the 25 mile version.  Wow, it was a very hard race.  The climbing was beyond comprehensible.  I am not a good climber and keep working on getting better at it.  One hill at a time.  It was my redemption race.  To show the world and myself that I may have been down for the count, but I am a survivor and a fighter and can come back from that stronger then ever.  I made the race cut off by 2 minutes and dry heaved at the finish and cried.  I did it and I am BACK!! it ended up just over 26 miles.  I gained courage through perseverance, drive, determination and success.

Here is the thing with trail running.  It is addictive.  You go on trails in amazing places and crave new trails and places to see.  You finish a race covered in salt and sweat and dirt and think, what is the next one.  Where is my next adventure?  You plan a long run with logistics and food and all that goes into it, you finish and say where do I want to go next time?  This may be where the insanity comes into play.  You fall, skin your knees and get up and keep running, knowing, you may fall again.  You puke and wipe your mouth and keep running, knowing, you may puke again.  You squat in the brush and wipe with the smallest amount of toilet paper and feel awful, half the time you get thorns in places thorns don't belong.  But, you pull up your pants and continue running, knowing, well that shit sucked and it will probably happen again.

Why do it?  Why keep doing the same thing?  Because what you gain outweighs all of that and it is magical.  The views only seen from that hilltop that you can't get to by car.  The sounds of all the birds in a canyon waking up with the sun, you can't get that on iTunes.  The smell of rain and feeling the mist on your face as you bound down and trail and laugh as you pounce in a puddle.  You can't smell the green of the earth and the feeling of mud on your feet in a regular city park.  You miss out on all of the joys of the small things in life that make you appreciate every second of the day when you are trapped up in your home.  The peacefulness and calm serenity I experience on the trail draw me in every time.

Sometimes you do races because they have an emotional relation to them, they are the experiences that you will treasure time and time again.  On March 25th we did the Bataan Memorial Death March in White Sands New Mexico, a marathon distance march which commemorates the survivors of Battan during WWII.  It is one of the most humbling, emotional and moving experiences you will ever have at a race.  This is the second year we did it with our son Matthew who is 11.  It was an emotional experience as we lost sight of Matthew at mile 25, he went past us to the finish.  Kevin went back to look for him and I went forward and thankfully found him, then went back for Kevin.  It ended up being 27 miles. 

Sometimes, you meet people in your life that have an impact on you and talk you into doing crazy things that lead to crazy adventures.  I recently made friends with Michael Duer who is a phenomenal endurance and trail athlete in our community and he has helped coach me into a new Way of Eating which has had a major impact on my overall health and with my running.  Profound impact.  Well he is part of the Tucson Trail Running group and I got added onto their facebook group.  It is the gateway for crazy things to come!!  One of those crazy things was this unsupported race called the In and Out 50 miler.....

Another was the Tumamoc Marathon, running up/down this ridiculously steep 1.5 mile hill, 10 times for an elevation gain of over 7 thousand feet.  Hmm, well that sounds like one heck of a challenge.

I told Kevin about both the 50 miler and the Tumamoc Marathon and he declared I have lost my mind.  We were discussing the events before we were going to sleep and he said, if you make it through the Tumamoc Marathon, I will support your 50 mile adventure.  I said to him in the darkness of our room, give me your hand.  He did and I shook it and said, "Deal".

On March 31st, I did the Tumamoc Marathon, which was actually 28.7 miles.  It was created by another incredible runner, Corey Keppel who does this event for his birthday and what better way to celebrate your birthday then with fellow runners pushing themselves.  I went into that event thinking about just focus on the hill you are on and put one foot in front of the other.  It was so incredibly hard and the repetition of climbing hills on pavement really did a number on my body.  But, I did it and let it be known, I am only the 3rd woman who has done it.  It pushed me very hard and I could have stopped at any time.  I did puke and keep going.  It was hot, but I found ways to cool down.  I focused one step in front of the other teaching me the lesson of consistency.  I have never been so sore in my life as I was after that.  But the strength I felt in my legs showed growth not in size, but in pure strength and to trust them.

Since I made it through Tumamoc and I shook hands on it, now came the time to focus on the 50.  What is the 50 mile event?  Well, you go from a campground on Mount Lemmon and go up and down and around through Catalina State park, down a paved road to an In and Out Burger and back up again.  I have already paid for the belt buckle from it even!!  It has a lot of challenges besides the distance, it is just me and the trail supporting myself with filtering water and following the map so I don't get lost.  It is making sure I don't get eaten by a bear or some other wildlife, like a mountain lion.  It is going to be tough and tough equals, training, training, training.

One of the keys to building endurance is doing back to back tough runs.  I made a training plan to run 3 days during the week, have a long run on Saturday and a medium-ish run on Sunday.  I have stuck to the plan.

April 7th I ran 20 miles and on April 8th I did a 10 mile race with Matthew.  Kevin and William ran the 5 mile race together.  On the April 7th run, I was struggling.  It was tough, my legs were sore and heavy from the Tumamoc marathon.  But, the mental clarity and serenity was the best I have experienced in a long time.  I practiced the art of shutting the noise off in your head and allowing the moment and experience of where I was at to envelope me like a hug.  It was tranquility at its core.  It was amazing.  The 10 mile race was warm and I struggled, but pushed through.

April 14th, I ran a 50K (31.2 miles).  I didn't plan on doing a 50K, I planned on a 25-28 mile run as the next day I had a half marathon to do with Kevin.  But, these moments catch you by surprise.  I decided to do loops on a trail that is fairly easy and I know well.  One loop turned to two and two turned to an out and back to make it 31 miles.  I couldn't believe I did it.  I also had my fastest 50K ever.  Wow and I was okay when I was done.  I was a little sore and tired, but I did it.  My nutrition and electrolytes were perfect.  It was one of those golden runs.  Amazing.  But how would the half marathon be??

April 15th, I ran a half marathon on the Arizona Trail, the Vail Scramble.  We have ran this race 2 times before.  I improved this years time from last year by 19 minutes!!!!!!  What, 19 minutes, how on legs that did a 50K the day before.  I was in shock.  I beat my best time by 9 minutes.  I am still so surprised how my body responded.  I can't believe it.  It had its ups and downs and I fell and skinned up my knee and elbow.  But, I figured out how to get through it and succeeded. 

The confidence I have gained through all of this training and events has given me the courage to know I am going to be alright for the 50 mile event.  It is going to be hard on many levels.  But seeing this endurance build up in me and how my body is recovering and responding is amazing.  Oh and along the way since November, I have lost 40 pounds.  I don't have the stomach problems on the trail anymore.  I don't have issues with Kevin wondering around waiting for me in the bushes.  My life is on this amazing path doing the same thing over and over.  So am I insane, or brave?

March miles ran--101
April miles ran as of 15 Apr--95.2 and counting.....

I couldn't do all of this without the amazing support of my husband, family and friends both old friends and new ones who inspire me every day to see a challenge and push on to the next.  Watch this space, this former fathlete is making waves on the trail.

Countdown to the 50 begins, 13 days until go time.